


Colby's Past

by irena_adler



Series: Watson [53]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Family Secrets, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Outdoor Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 04:16:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5897887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irena_adler/pseuds/irena_adler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Colby finally tells Charlie about his family and a dark family secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ficlet: Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie wants to talk.

**Title:** Talking **  
**Pairing: Charlie/Colby **  
**Rating: PG **  
**Summary: Charlie wants to talk. **  
**Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
**Feedback: Yes, please! Feed the author!  
**A/N:** This takes place before [Hiking](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/25229.html).  Thanks to my betas.

 

 

**Talking—**

“Cole?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do we never … talk about stuff?”

Colby looked over at Charlie, taking a moment before he answered.They were sitting on the bumper of Colby’s car, sharing a bottle of Gatorade and some trail mix.They’d spent the morning hiking through Topanga State Park, getting here early enough to watch the sun rise.Charlie had been particularly pensive over the last hour and Colby had been waiting patiently for Charlie to work around to whatever it was that was bothering him.When it came, it was a doozy.

Colby shrugged, not pretending to misunderstand what Charlie was asking.“Maybe we’re just … not rock the boat kinda guys.”

“But,” Charlie said, “What if that means our boat never gets out of the harbor?”

Colby smiled at the way Charlie extended his metaphor, then said, “I think we’re doing okay.”

“I don’t want to be just okay,” Charlie said heatedly.“I want to be better than okay.”

“Hey,” Colby said, putting his hand on Charlie’s arm.“I didn’t mean it that way.I think we’re doing great.We came out to my entire office and just had that party where we officially came out to your friends.”

“Yeah,” Charlie said with a faint smile, “That was fun but …” He shifted uncomfortably.“I love you and I shouldn’t be … afraid to ask you anything.”

Colby touched Charlie’s cheek.“There are some things in my life that are pretty scary, but we don’t need to start there.How about we start small?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, ask me something.”

Charlie looked at his feet for a moment.Colby wondered what Charlie was going to come up with.Charlie knew next to nothing about Colby’s background – no one in LA did, and that’s how Colby preferred it.But Charlie was right.Their boat was definitely stuck in the harbor.Don and Will had moved in together and gotten a cat in half the time that Colby and Charlie had been together.

“Umm,” Charlie said finally, “Do you have any siblings?”

Colby smiled and nodded.“Good start.There are seven of us kids in my family.”

“ _Seven?_ ”

“Not a big family where I’m from.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve got three older sisters – Eve, Becky sorry _Rebecca_ , and LeeAnn, then there’s me, and then the twins – Tommy I mean _Thomas_ and Tansy, then Mike.”

“Eve, Rebecca, LeeAnn, Colby, Thomas, Tansy, and Mike,” Charlie repeated slowly.

“See, that wasn’t too bad.”

“No, but it was hardly—“

“It was a good start,” Colby repeated.“It wasn’t too scary to ask or answer.”

Charlie shook his head, smiling.

Colby could see more questions in Charlie’s eyes, but he took a deep breath and stood up.“Now, do we want to break out the sandwiches now or do we have another trail in us before lunch?”

Charlie accepted the end of the conversation, for now, and stood up himself.“How about we take the sandwiches with us and eat lunch wherever we are in an hour?”

“Sounds good,” Colby said and opened the cooler.He packed his backpack full, but felt lighter himself.He’d worried that Charlie just didn’t want to know about his uncertain past, and Colby was prepared to pretend his life had started when he had moved to LA.Certainly, coming to LA had been a whole new chapter in his life, and a good one.But maybe he and Charlie could make progress in small steps and then maybe, just maybe, Colby could eventually feel like he could share all of himself with his sheltered young lover.

He shifted the backpack onto his back and smiled over at Charlie.“Santa Inez Trail?”

“Yeah,” Charlie said, then grinned.“You carry those supplies, and I’ll carry the other ones.”

“What—” Colby started to ask then laughed when Charlie patted his back pocket where Charlie now regularly kept a pre-lubricated condom.

“Hmm,” Colby said, slinging his arm around Charlie’s slim shoulders.“Something makes me think we won’t be bringing back either my supplies or yours.”

“Nope,” Charlie said, the concern lines gone from his face.“Talking is hungry work.”

 


	2. Ficlet: Hiking (sex diversion)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and Colby take a break while hiking.

**Title:** Hiking **  
Pairing:**

  Charlie/Colby

 **  
Rating:** NC-17, FRAO **  
Summary:** Charlie and Colby take a break while hiking. **  
Disclaimer:** Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
Feedback:** Yes, please! Feed the author!  
 **A/N:**    Charlie and Colby have been feeling neglected ...

“Charlie,” Colby gasped.“Someone could come along the trail any minute.”

“Isn’t that kinda the point?” Charlie murmured in his neck, his hands on Colby’s hips, his crotch pressing against Colby’s ass through his pants.

Colby gave a grunt of acknowledgement, pulled his pants down to his thighs and took a hold of the tree in front of him.Charlie smiled and quickly unbuckled his belt and yanked open his jeans.He pulled out a pre-lubed condom that he always carried with him now and ripped it open.

Charlie’s cock throbbed and became even harder as he looked at Colby.The buff man stood with his pants down, his feet with their thick hiking boots spread apart, his gorgeous ass framed by the black bands of his jock strap, his T-shirt sweaty, his hands wrapped around the thick smooth trunk of a convenient beech tree.Charlie rolled down the condom and took a hold of his slippery cock.One hand gripped Colby’s left shoulder, the other guided the head of his cock to that hot welcoming asshole.

He pushed in slowly but steadily, and Colby groaned in appreciation.Charlie could smell dirt and sweat and feel the forest air on his skin.He began to stroke and knew he wasn’t going to last long.He’d been watching Colby’s ass for the last mile of hiking and thinking about this very activity.

Charlie slid his hand around Colby’s hips and pulled his cock out from his underwear.He made a loose circle of his fingers and slipped it over the head of Colby’s pre-cum-slick cock.He drove into Colby’s ass, making Colby fuck his hand.

Charlie pressed his forehead against Colby’s back and hammered with his pelvis.“Yes yes yes yes.” __

A choked moan and Colby’s cock spasmed in Charlie’s hand, shooting cum all over the tree trunk.Charlie was right after him, spilling himself inside that sweet hot tunnel.

Their panting merged with the sound of birds and wind in the leaves.With a groan, Charlie pulled out of Colby and staggered back.They cleaned up themselves and the tree then sat down on a nearby rock, leaning against each other.

Charlie looked down at his pedometer and laughed.“According to this, we just ran a half a mile.”


	3. Drabble: A Question a Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie asks Colby one personal question a day.

**Title:** A question a day **  
Pairing:**

Charlie/Colby

**  
**Rating: PG **  
**Summary: Charlie asks Colby one personal question a day. **  
**Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
**Feedback: Yes, please! Feed the author!  
**A/N:** This takes place after [Talking](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/37308.html). Thanks to my betas.

  


**A question a day –**

A question a day, Colby and Charlie agreed.One question and they could feel like they were making progress without forcing Colby to sit down and spill his entire life history.There were no restrictions on the question, but they both knew it would be more than “What’s your favorite kind of ice cream?”

At first Charlie would put off asking, but it would spoil their night, not knowing.So Charlie began asking his question the first time he saw Colby that day.Every day then had a small piece of tension, a moment of fear – would this be the question that opened Pandora’s Box?When it wasn’t, they’d breathe a sigh of relief and the rest of the evening would be safe.

Monday:  


> “Where do your siblings live now?”
> 
> “Eve is married and lives in Idaho.Rebecca, married, Idaho.LeeAnn, single, Connecticut.Thomas, married, Las Vegas.Tansy, I guess you could say she’s attached and travels.Mike, single, Wake Forest.”

Tuesday:  


> “Have any nieces or nephews?”
> 
> “Six, so far.Eve has four boys and Rebecca has a boy and a girl.”
> 
>   
> 

Wednesday:  


> “Where did you go to college?”
> 
> “Penn State. Big wrestling school.”  
> 

Thursday:  


> “When did you join the Army?”
> 
> “Third year of college.I decided to quit wrestling and needed a way to pay for school.”  
> 

Friday:  


> “Where did you learn Spanish?”
> 
> “Started in high school and got a Minor in it at college.I used it in the Army a lot.”  
> 

Saturday:  


> “When did you go into CID?”
> 
> "A year after I graduated with a degree in Criminal Justice, two years after I joined the Army.”  
> 

Sunday:  


> “Where do your parents live?”  
> 

> “My mom is still in Winchester.My dad is dead.He killed himself when I was fifteen.I was there.”  
> 

And the box was opened.

  



	4. Ficlet: Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie asks why.

**Title:** Reaction **  
Pairing:**

Charlie/Colby

**  
**Rating: PG **  
**Summary: Charlie asks why. **  
**Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
**Feedback: Yes, please! Feed the author!  
**A/N:** This takes place immediately after [A question a day](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/37920.html). Thanks to my betas.

****

****Reaction—** **

So now Charlie knew at least one of Colby’s dark secrets.How would he react?Charlie’s life was so sheltered, his family so perfect …How could he even imagine seeing one of his parents commit suicide?

Colby waited nervously and watched Charlie’s face.Charlie was frowning, rubbing his thumb absently over the back of Colby’s hand, which he’d been holding when he asked his daily question.They sat on the couch in the solarium and it was a bright sunny afternoon, the world looking fresh and green outside the windows.

“Is it okay if I ask another question?” Charlie said quietly.

Colby nodded.He’d expected this – discomfort, uncertainty, more questions.

“Why?” asked Charlie.

Colby grimaced. “Are you sure you want to know?”

Charlie’s eyes met his and Colby was surprised at the depth of compassion he saw there.

“Do you remember when I first told you that I loved you?”Charlie said softly.“I said that I was greedy, that I wanted all of you – the good, the bad, and the messy.I meant it.We’ve both been sort of avoiding the bad and messy because the good has been so … good.”He linked his fingers through Colby’s.“I want to know, because you need me to know, and what you need, I need, whatever that is.”

Colby took a deep breath.He should know better than to underestimate Charlie by now.He plunged in.“When I was thirteen, my parents got a divorce.It was an ugly divorce, very ugly.They had fought for a long time before the divorce.Everything was made worse by the very conservative church my family was part of, divorces just didn’t happen.”

“Mormon?” Charlie asked.

“No, but an offshoot of it.So, when the divorce finally went through, my parents made all of us kids stand up in court and say which parent we wanted to live with.They even made Mike do it, even though he was only six.We all stood up and … I chose my dad, because I knew no one else would.”

Colby looked down at Charlie’s fingers laced through his.“My mom has never really forgiven me for that, but I couldn’t just let my dad have nobody.”

Charlie nodded silently and Colby continued, “My dad was a good guy, but losing the family hit him really hard.He quit the church, and church is pretty much the whole social organization in our town, so he was really isolated.I was just a kid and caught up in my own things.I was on the wrestling team and I had my own friends and …”

He shrugged uncomfortably and met Charlie’s eyes, which were soft and encouraging.

“My dad started drinking, drinking heavily.”Colby said.“At first I’m sure it was kind of a statement, since the church didn’t allow drinking, but it got away from him fast.A few days after my fifteenth birthday, my dad was driving drunk and he got in an accident that killed a mother and her baby.My dad walked away without a scratch.

“I remember him coming home, telling me what had happened, and very matter-of-factly getting out a hunting rifle and blowing his brains out.”

Colby’s eyes squeezed shut.The image of his father’s head splashed across the kitchen wall was still as bright and vivid as it had been in that moment.He could still smell the blood and gunpowder, hear the sudden quiet in the world around him, as if even the birds had been shocked into silence, then the clunk as the spent rifle fell from his dead father’s hand.

He slowly realized that Charlie was gripping his hand in between both of his.

“I don’t remember anything after that.They say I calmly called 911 and waited on the porch for the police to arrive.I directed them to the kitchen then answered all their questions in an even voice.They took me down to the police station where my mom picked me up and took me back to the home I’d grown up in, like nothing had changed.They sent me to therapy and I went back to school and wrestling.”

He finally opened his eyes and found Charlie kneeling on the floor in front of him, holding tightly onto Colby’s hand, his eyes wide and glistening with tears.

Colby said distantly, “All of this, everything after my dad killed himself, people told me about.To this day, I don’t remember the next six months of my life.It was like I woke up six months later to find a robot had been living my life for me while I was gone.”He slowly shook his head.“And when I woke up, I was angry, so angry.I spent the next two years terrorizing my brothers and sisters and making my mother cry.Everyone, including me, was relieved when I got that wrestling scholarship and moved 2,500 miles away.It’s a cliché, but I found myself at college.It was there I figured out I wanted to be in law enforcement.I loved school, loved wrestling until this new coach came along that I hated.I didn’t let my family know how I was doing for over a year after I got to college, then it was just a short Christmas card.”

Colby fell silent and looked down at Charlie.Charlie’s lashes were wet, his face pale.

“And now?”Charlie whispered.

“And now … I call my mom sometimes, probably three times a year plus Christmas and Mother’s Day.I exchange Christmas cards with all my siblings but Tansy, because she doesn’t really have a regular address.I send birthday presents to my nephews and niece, though I’ve never met them.”

“Never met them?”

“Nope.Haven’t been back to Winchester since I left for college, over fifteen years ago.”

“Wow,” Charlie said.“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah.”Colby said, then they both fell silent.Colby’s throat ached and his eyes burned and he wanted nothing more in the world than to pull Charlie into his arms and bury his tears in those soft curls … but he couldn’t.He said quietly, “I could have stopped him.I was big, even at fifteen, and could have taken him down before he pulled that trigger.”  


"Colby …” Charlie said, his voice tight.

“God, I could have stopped him, but maybe I didn’t want to.”The tears he’d held back finally leaked down his cheeks.“Maybe I just thought he was a drunk bastard who deserved to die, so I let him pull the trigger.”

“No, no,” Charlie said earnestly.“You’d never do that.You were just a kid.”

Colby glared at Charlie, suddenly angry.“Just fifteen,” he snapped.“When you were fifteen, you were in some sort of elite college program, a math god and a certified fucking genius.”

Charlie’s eyes widened.“I had a family who supported me, didn’t rip me apart.”

“Sorry,” Colby groaned, jerking away from Charlie and burying his head in his hands.

He heard Charlie get up and sit back next to him on the couch.He felt Charlie’s arms around him, surprisingly strong.

“Colby, Cole, My Colby,” Charlie murmured.“There isn’t one evil atom in your body --I’ve checked.Even at fifteen, there is no way that you would have let your father die if there was any way you could stop it.”

Colby lifted his head.“How do you—“

“I know,” Charlie said, his voice throbbing with absolute certainty.He pulled Colby toward him until Colby curled into his arms.“In any quantum space – Euclidean, sequence, Lebesgue, or Hilbert – you are one of the good guys.”

“Charlie … I’ve done things, other things …”

“Shh,” Charlie said, running his hands soothingly over Colby’s hair.“You don’t need to tell me now.”

“But …”

“Shh,” Charlie said again.“I love you and … Well, I guess that pretty much covers it.”

Colby startled himself with a faint chuckle.“No more math analogies?”

“I could come up with one if you want,” Charlie said with a smile.“Something involving infinite-dimensional topological vector spaces, perhaps?”

“That would have been my choice,” Colby said dryly.

Colby lay his head down in Charlie’s lap and looked up at him.Charlie ran his fingers over Colby’s face, in a touch both intimate and casual.So the Pandora’s Box of Colby’s past had been opened and nothing terrible had happened.They should both find some relief in that, and maybe that question-a-day would become less stressful, more fun, though Colby hoped that there were some questions Charlie never asked him.

Colby knew he should stop trying to shelter Charlie, but the need to protect Charlie was something he was always going to be fighting.Even when it was Colby he was trying to protect Charlie from.

“One of these days,” Charlie said softly, “Maybe we’ll take a road trip to Idaho.”

Colby grimaced.There were so many problems with that, not the least of which was taking his gay lover back to meet his ultra-conservative family that still believed their missing son was heterosexual.Still, looking up into those big, brown eyes and that earnest, open face that he loved so much, he couldn’t completely shoot down the idea.

“Maybe, Charlie,” Colby said at last.“One of these days.”

 

****  


****


End file.
